Paper Planes and Hidden Treasure

(Oct 2011! Oops i though i posted this?!)
I've been on holiday, an escape to a different sea. While I was there I had a dream of flying to a strange city on a pearly paper plane. The kingdom was quite level, platformed on top of the tree. Tips of branches poking around each massive individual rock that had been picked up during the growing process, Some smooth, some like mini mountains others only big enough to have one building on. Every stone part of the city was linked by rope and wood bridges to allow for any movement. The base of the tree was trunk of thousand trunks, blurred now in to a singularity. It was almost a wide as the city on top.
The buildings them selves were shimmering bleached wood and stone built, some more wood, some nearly all stone.  Grey pools amongst the green.
This ponderous tree was set a the bottom of the waterfall which cascaded off a flat plateau. I circled around the kingdom and then woke before I had a chance to set down on it, but hope to go there again one day.
This beautiful tree comes close to the wonder of my dream...

I often dream of places of sanctuary, worlds within worlds, city's within city's and cupboards with cupboards with secret staircases that lead to ancient finds.
This re-occurring theme has followed me from childhood and is still interesting, from The Secret Garden to Neverwhere.

Some times I feel I'd forever be happy opening door upon door to a new room, welcoming the creeping dementia. Like most people at times (I think), I wish I could just disappear. Its not a morbid drive I feel just an overpowering urge that if I want it hard enough, so much so it hurts, it will happen. I will wake up there. It isn't always a reflection on my life or my loves. It is simply the never ending pull/call I have felt from as early as I can remember.
But I am well aware that if I lose control this pull quickens, so simply put I want to disappear in order to gain control? maybe.

I was beyond bless to have a place of sanctuary to escape to (grandparents cottage), by no means did I a terrible childhood, but like most, sometimes, some bits are hard. The entwined magic of the garden and house is 'the' place to find through all those doors.

The old house its self was the starting point of so many of those dreams, but it held so much history there in the black beams, un-even floors and strange shaped cupboards. But every now and then it would scare me.
That pressure of presence from behind me, that sent me skittering out of a room!
I remember every strange angle, every steps of the three stair cases! The smell soap and enamel baths, the soft moss under my magic pear tree, every herb in the garden and the broken pottery I spent hours studying that was set into the stepping stones that wound through the many types of mint, chewing on the end of horse radish leaves and happily making my nettle sting soothing potions in the old brick fireplace in the kitchen sitting on the oak stool (sparking my love of wild herbs). In over 15 years all this and more has never faded, remembering it now makes me cry.
I know a huge part of who I am was shaped by my years there, it is somewhere only in mind I am able to revisist. Part of me is always hopeful that one day I'll find that magic key, or stumble through that thick bit of woodland and open the door to that sanctuary again.

Neme x

Claustrophobia and patterns

Much time has past, with it a happy realisation that patterns repeat. To brake a pattern of thought or even start a new one requires continued strength. It's never easy and I strive for it everyday.
As I have grown older I have a personal firm belief (and an fear of control in fate) that for things to happen you must make them happen. This is why often the time taken to look over a situation, dilemma or even a wish is so productive for me. And I do get joy off doing this, to work out a beginning, a middle and a realistic ending. I'd like to think I'm good at it.
As a witch goes I have no claim to powers or talents, just what mind perceives, every one does this differently. My analysation lends me well to reading the cards, the same one's I begged for at 11 years old and finally received on my 13th birthday. I still use my book, I don't care. I do not charge for readings. Mostly because I'm only telling someone what they already know and it has been quite painful for some to hear at times. I never see it as fate, just a outcome for a person who continues on the path there on.

Try not to read to many 'magic' books of how to, but I do enjoy talking shop and hearing others theory's on magickal workings, spell casting. But instinctively I have to go with what feels right to me until I learn sometime that feels better. I have been never afraid to ask why someone does the things they do and are happy when they too have got to that choice as a result of questioning.
So over this time a matter of hexing/cursing has been thrumming away in my mind. Me, giving it quite a bit of energy, to find my beginning, middle and end. Now whether it is my sub-conscious which found my end or just me knowing I'd had enough, it had been done. Patterns put out into my life through this process had in my mind achieved its goal. Allowing for an balanced end. The spiral of her thoughts, the resulting knots are and will ever be her own.
This is not the first time this has happened, which leads me to wonder why like other people who follow this path, do we surround our self with the paraphernalia of spell casting. I have never picked up a crystal or object and had a vision or jolt of anything. This doesn't bother me and often inner smile with the new age half of the market peddling there wares of 'healing' 'visionary' 'insert appropriate energy word' properties.
To me it's symbolism contained in these object, spells and workings. Something to allow focus. But of course I love my wand, my stang, my feathers and bones. Symbolic and sentiment ago hand in hand, it proves quite hard to move away from a lifetime of exposure on why a rabbits foot is lucky or North is Earth, East is Air...

I love to research and find the history of any belief and am interested in looking into pattern build ups on objects, amulets and talismans that accumulate through time. The forgotten one's quite often go with social changes to. I this interest I hope to focus my creative skill into something more productive.

Will keep you posted

To curse or not?

I've been busy, moving on with area's my life that we're very much pulling me down.
In fact, trying to leave one person. Who has in one way or another has had a very negative influence for quite a few years now. There had been many years between this recent renewal of friendship.
Never have I known a person who is so clever in there ability to lift a person up and completely push them off the edge at there own whim. Her profile fits a sociopath in everyway, I've tried to understand, support and even tried to minimise the fall out.
It was unfortunate that for even a short period a year, I let her into my life in order to pursue an interest via her. But I am not the same girl she devastated all those years ago, although just like then I still have my base of strength and passion to walk away from her.
Most of her power lies in what she lets you think she can do to you, although her favourite past time of vengeance has certainly been known to take a far more physical path. Her path or more like motorway of devastation is felt by many, but as of yet no-one has got to her and even made much of an impact on her self deluded state.
To be vengeful for the sake of it is not my style, I tend not to work on an eye for eye basis, but at this time, I am the person who knows her the most intricately, I know I have more to come from her over the coming months, possibly pushing to a few years.

So although I am not Wiccan, three fold doesn't come into it for me.  I have always know that should the need arise, I will without doubt protect myself. The previous parting influence was mostly psychological, but was gut wrenching. I have no doubt the hits will keep on coming.
This time I have a family, a husband and child and although I have distance in location from her, in this modern world it doesn't feel enough. I've had enough, as it has now begun.

Now knowing what I've always thought I would do, for the first time I am in the process of working, some call it a hex, many who I know in the craft community think it wrong. I don't, I call it protection and turning all the bad she has done back to her to result in an awakening. That in it's self is enough, justice not harm.

Neme x

Now winter has brought you the worse it can bring, it give now to you the promise of spring...

And so it seems, with a short trip out today spring has appeared. To me the time between Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice is not all fluffy bunnies, chocolate egg's and plastic crap we're force feed to buy by supermarkets what seems far to soon after Christmas barrage!
It has always felt darker than that, yes it is a return of the light but a hasty, garish display of natures frilly knickers, an enticement to what will be on offer.
Sit on the grass and it's still damp, look beyond the blinding white of the hedgerows and the blackthorn is bare. The innocence of spring? not to me, even the maiden is not pure. She is bare under her delicate gown and well aware of her alluring perfumes, bright mesmerising colours, growing arousal and sexual strength.
Personally I am a child of the late summer and autumn days, but before I run off for the damp security of a woodland, building to the full moon, I now lay my plans for what I want from the future and what I shall sacrifice in return.
Neme x