Claustrophobia and patterns

Much time has past, with it a happy realisation that patterns repeat. To brake a pattern of thought or even start a new one requires continued strength. It's never easy and I strive for it everyday.
As I have grown older I have a personal firm belief (and an fear of control in fate) that for things to happen you must make them happen. This is why often the time taken to look over a situation, dilemma or even a wish is so productive for me. And I do get joy off doing this, to work out a beginning, a middle and a realistic ending. I'd like to think I'm good at it.
As a witch goes I have no claim to powers or talents, just what mind perceives, every one does this differently. My analysation lends me well to reading the cards, the same one's I begged for at 11 years old and finally received on my 13th birthday. I still use my book, I don't care. I do not charge for readings. Mostly because I'm only telling someone what they already know and it has been quite painful for some to hear at times. I never see it as fate, just a outcome for a person who continues on the path there on.

Try not to read to many 'magic' books of how to, but I do enjoy talking shop and hearing others theory's on magickal workings, spell casting. But instinctively I have to go with what feels right to me until I learn sometime that feels better. I have been never afraid to ask why someone does the things they do and are happy when they too have got to that choice as a result of questioning.
So over this time a matter of hexing/cursing has been thrumming away in my mind. Me, giving it quite a bit of energy, to find my beginning, middle and end. Now whether it is my sub-conscious which found my end or just me knowing I'd had enough, it had been done. Patterns put out into my life through this process had in my mind achieved its goal. Allowing for an balanced end. The spiral of her thoughts, the resulting knots are and will ever be her own.
This is not the first time this has happened, which leads me to wonder why like other people who follow this path, do we surround our self with the paraphernalia of spell casting. I have never picked up a crystal or object and had a vision or jolt of anything. This doesn't bother me and often inner smile with the new age half of the market peddling there wares of 'healing' 'visionary' 'insert appropriate energy word' properties.
To me it's symbolism contained in these object, spells and workings. Something to allow focus. But of course I love my wand, my stang, my feathers and bones. Symbolic and sentiment ago hand in hand, it proves quite hard to move away from a lifetime of exposure on why a rabbits foot is lucky or North is Earth, East is Air...

I love to research and find the history of any belief and am interested in looking into pattern build ups on objects, amulets and talismans that accumulate through time. The forgotten one's quite often go with social changes to. I this interest I hope to focus my creative skill into something more productive.

Will keep you posted

To curse or not?

I've been busy, moving on with area's my life that we're very much pulling me down.
In fact, trying to leave one person. Who has in one way or another has had a very negative influence for quite a few years now. There had been many years between this recent renewal of friendship.
Never have I known a person who is so clever in there ability to lift a person up and completely push them off the edge at there own whim. Her profile fits a sociopath in everyway, I've tried to understand, support and even tried to minimise the fall out.
It was unfortunate that for even a short period a year, I let her into my life in order to pursue an interest via her. But I am not the same girl she devastated all those years ago, although just like then I still have my base of strength and passion to walk away from her.
Most of her power lies in what she lets you think she can do to you, although her favourite past time of vengeance has certainly been known to take a far more physical path. Her path or more like motorway of devastation is felt by many, but as of yet no-one has got to her and even made much of an impact on her self deluded state.
To be vengeful for the sake of it is not my style, I tend not to work on an eye for eye basis, but at this time, I am the person who knows her the most intricately, I know I have more to come from her over the coming months, possibly pushing to a few years.

So although I am not Wiccan, three fold doesn't come into it for me.  I have always know that should the need arise, I will without doubt protect myself. The previous parting influence was mostly psychological, but was gut wrenching. I have no doubt the hits will keep on coming.
This time I have a family, a husband and child and although I have distance in location from her, in this modern world it doesn't feel enough. I've had enough, as it has now begun.

Now knowing what I've always thought I would do, for the first time I am in the process of working, some call it a hex, many who I know in the craft community think it wrong. I don't, I call it protection and turning all the bad she has done back to her to result in an awakening. That in it's self is enough, justice not harm.

Neme x

Now winter has brought you the worse it can bring, it give now to you the promise of spring...

And so it seems, with a short trip out today spring has appeared. To me the time between Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice is not all fluffy bunnies, chocolate egg's and plastic crap we're force feed to buy by supermarkets what seems far to soon after Christmas barrage!
It has always felt darker than that, yes it is a return of the light but a hasty, garish display of natures frilly knickers, an enticement to what will be on offer.
Sit on the grass and it's still damp, look beyond the blinding white of the hedgerows and the blackthorn is bare. The innocence of spring? not to me, even the maiden is not pure. She is bare under her delicate gown and well aware of her alluring perfumes, bright mesmerising colours, growing arousal and sexual strength.
Personally I am a child of the late summer and autumn days, but before I run off for the damp security of a woodland, building to the full moon, I now lay my plans for what I want from the future and what I shall sacrifice in return.
Neme x